I AM NOT

" I am NOT, but I know I AM" 

That is the theme of my life that I am currently trying to grasp. What does it look like to fully devote your life to the Lord. I have a strong desire to want to see exactly what God has for me in every moment of my life, but I struggle with deciphering what His voice sounds like sometimes. I know that this is only an expression of my lack of faith in Him. 

I am currently wrestling with the choice of changing my major just a month into college. I am currently in Business Marketing and have fun dreams of being a buyer for a major department store, basically playing with clothes all the time. Though this is a worthy dream and aspiration, my dream has changed over the past month and a half. I think that the Lord is leading me to politics. I really saw a lot of things changing in my heart and my passion and interested becoming fully enthralled with the inner workings or government and wondering how change ( I almost never want to say this word, because of our little friend Barack, but I have a point and goal in change that I will now express, unlike Mr. Obama :) ). I have a passion for America and what it could be, I see a lot of potential in our legislation and to be honest I cannot tell you exactly what I feel the Lord wants me to focus on within the arena, but the Lord is big, bigger than politics. 

Little things have blessings and comforts from the Lord, so I wanted to share them.

1. I decided in June to enroll in  a Political Science class just to see if I liked it, and I love it. It is very hard, but fascinating and for some weird reason gets me really excited!

2. I had been praying that I would meet like minded people who like politics. So, get ready for the list.

- First day of my Public Speaking class my teacher informs us of her strong love for the Lord and love for politics, she runs a little thing called College Republicans.

- My RA is a Political Science Major

- I met a girl at a party who loves the Lord and loves politics and talked to me for awhile about the reality of going into the field.

- A friend of mine in Comp class is Political Science major

- A guy in my speech class gave a whole speech about how he felt the Lord was calling him into politics.

3. A little thing that was extremely random, but gave me chills was at Breakaway last Tuesday

- We were singing a song about feeling broken and tired and lost in what the Lord has for us and the powerpoint picture in the background was a picture of the capitol. I almost cried over a powerpoint. 

God is good, He is a plan and I am freaked out and thrilled about it. 

I am continuing to seek the Lord's face in my decisions, because so far He has been beyond faithful to listen to a little girls heart and prayers. 

With Love, 

Lauren

The Past Few Months

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted, SORRY!!! Life is crazy and amazing.  Here is what I have been doing for the past 2 and 1/2 months:

July 5- Leave Home...

A sad day, that I had dreaded for a long time. I cried maybe about halfway to Pine Cove. It's weird leaving home, knowing that it's not where you live anymore. The funny thing is, the dogs were the ones who got me going on the cry-fest. Ah man, those stupid dogs, I miss them a lot. Oh, and of course I miss my family, a ton. 

That day, I met my new family. Six amazing girls who challenged and encouraged me and continue to do so to this day. It was the most incredible and hardest experience thus far in my life. I learned so much about myself, the good, the bad and the absolutely horrifyingly ugly. They told us that throughout the year we would have moments of revelation when we would say, "Oh, I get why they made us do that." And yes, I have had quite a few of them. Man, I love those girls. 

July 13, July 20, July 27, and August 3-

These were the Sundays that we had to report back to Pine Cove by 1pm. These were some of the hardest days. They basically went, wake up, call parents and cry. I was so homesick and exhausted, but every week, God would pick me up and carry me through it. A great lesson about perseverance.

August 9-

Pine Cove OVER. Sad day. It was super hard saying goodbye to girls who I had poured my whole heart to, but no fear, we talk quite often.

August 12th-

Impact Camp in College Station. The hardest 3 days of my life. I missed my family, I missed my girls from Pine Cove and I felt so alone. (You will notice that a lot of my experiences have been hard and lonely, but the point of sharing them is to show you how wonderfully God has provided and grown me for His purposes.) I was exhausted emotionally and physically and was trying to process everything I had learned about PC. My word, it was overwhelming. Through those 3 days, I relied on the Lord in a way that I had never experienced. I had to pray that I would be strong and friendly and not just burst into tears, and the Lord was SO faithful and taught me about stamina and strength that only ONLY comes from Him.

August 15-

MOVE IN DAY!!! I finally got to see my parents after about 3 weeks, which was so great. I also got to finally meet my suitemates and move in with my wonderful roomie Kate (we had met over the summer on PC weekends, and we pretty much fell in love with each other :P). When I got to the Cambridge (where we live) it was wonderful, it felt like a place I could finally settle into. It was heaven on earth. 

August 25

SCHOOL STARTS!!! I was thrilled about school starting and to see what this college thing was truly all about. It was/is great. I love my classes and have met so many neat people.

PHEW>>> well, there is the catch up. I will try to stay updated from now on. 

With Love,

Lauren